My Soul Will Fight Again
Like an endless story, bound to the curse of immortality, I wander on. Each dead end brings new beginnings, and every misery’s downfall brings to light a new treachery. Sorrow thus eludes me not.
Well, for everybody else, it’s some amazing holiday that’s somehow been twisted to make everybody feel lovey-dovey and whatnot. A holiday where everybody’s one big family, and everything’s about working past all the shit in life, and looking at the wonderful things that life has to offer. Ironic, to say the least. Because I truly believed that the 4th of July was just about American independence. What do I know, though, right? I’m too broken and miserable, too hollow and sad to understand anything. Okay, I’m overplaying things, but you get the point. Anyway, it’s the 4th of July. I’ve only just begun my Summer reading. Which is kind of bad. (I have to read a < 400 page book, then write at least 20 entries worth of analytical and descriptive perspectives on quotes from the book.) I’ve got a month or so to do all that. Plus subbing. And writing my book.
In all honesty, I’m happy to have a lot of things to do. Stress is good, because it allows a person to stay on track, gives a person purpose, etc. This entire Summer, I’ve been stress-less and purpose-less. It’ll be good to get back into doing at least something constructive. Even if I don’t enjoy the things all too much. As for subbing, I’ve honestly contemplated just letting it go for now. It’s not like anybody’s asked for a video, and it’s not like anybody’s expecting anything. So what’s there to lose, right? It’ll be an auxillary option if I happen to finish everything early. But in all honesty, I’m most likely going to just relax until school begins. That way, I have maybe a week or two of complete freedom in the face of countless stressful, hectic, and demanding nights of schoolwork, studying, and all the other shit that comes with my sophomore year. I’ve made it a personal mission with myself to be the best in everything that I do. I’ve made it a mission to just fuck the lax persona that I carried throughout last year. Fuck every study habit, every pattern of work, everything that I did. It obviously wasn’t good enough. I slacked off a lot. And that’s gone. I’m not going to put up with anything except a well-driven, hard-ass approach at this year. A week or two of freedom beforehand would be nice, you know?
And well, in the face of all this, I’ve begun to slip out of the mental state that I was in for the last 3 weeks or so. The whole detached, numb, empty, confused, lost, etc. sort of thing that was going on. I honestly have no idea how to explain what that was. I can easily tell you why it happened, how it happened, and why it’s begun to fade…but I don’t know what it was. Anyway…the important thing is that it’s begun to slip away. Which I knew was bound to happen. If there’s anything about me…it’s that I always get out of everything. I’m always able to slip out of whatever tight spot I’m in. I should have died so many times before in my life…and yet, I’m here. So many things should have gone differently in my life…and yet they aren’t. I should be completely traumatized, insane… I honestly should have killed myself long ago. And I’m still here. And now, I’m continuing on, past everything that’s happened recently, virtually unscathed. The one thing to know about me is that no matter what… My soul eternally lives to fight another day.
Take my photo off the wall
If it just won’t sing for you
‘Cause all that’s left has gone away
And there’s nothing there for you to prove
Oh, look what you’ve done
You’ve made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won
Give me back my point of view
‘Cause I just can’t think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose
Oh, look what you’ve done
You’ve made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won
Oh, look what you’ve done
You’ve made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
Take my photo off the wall
If it just won’t sing for you
‘Cause all that’s left has gone away
And there’s nothing there for you to do
Oh, look what you’ve done
You’ve made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won
Oh, look what you’ve done
You’ve made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
