Summer Snow
Summer has come upon me, sweeping warmth and sunshine across fields and towns, draping a feeling of security over the Earth. Yet I am numb to the rays of Summer. To the happiness it brings. To the light that shines from it.
I broke up with Kira yesterday. I’m much better off alone. I’ve always been cold and distant. A loner. I’ve always been selfish and ruthless, and have always hated people. I can’t help who I am. I can’t help being miserable. The least I can do for her in return is spare her decades of agony, regret, and pain. Spare her the burden of having to deal with the misery I carry, and the misery I spread. There’s a reason why people like me spend their entire lives alone. It’s the only way that’s rational. The goal of life is to keep misery at a minimum, since you can never eliminate misery. With me being alone, only one person has to be miserable. Not two.
I’ve been suffering some pretty severe insomnia lately. I’ve been taking diphenhydramine, with minimal results. Along with the insomnia, there’s the typical Summer apathy. A sort of loss of purpose has swept over me. As if I feel like I’m wasting away. I’ve been trying to keep as busy as possible, and plan to start doing a whole bunch more in the coming weeks. Schoolwork over the Summer seems insane, but luckily enough, I have an entire Summer reading project to do. At least I’ll have something to do for a while. In the meantime, I’ll be subbing some music videos, working out a few days, and trying to relax.
The years seem to pass by quickly, eh? Tenth grade already. It seems mildly surreal, you know? I feel like I should still be in middle school or something. Not completely. It’s not like I feel out of place or anything. It’s just that when you look at me and call me a sophomore…it just feels wrong. It feels like I’m still a freshman. I’ve been deciding very much about being a doctor. Going to medical school will be a bit of a pain in the ass, but I’m kind of interested. Either that, or I’m back to teaching and writing. Well, I’d never stop writing, even if I became a doctor, but I’m just saying. As a fallback. If I’m a doctor, I’m pretty sure my paycheck will be good enough to cross off writing as a second career.
I keep on letting this site slip away. I post one thing here and there, but I’m not very consistent, huh? Oh well. I’ll try to keep posting. My life’s not too interesting anyway. And I highly doubt anybody cares to read any of this. This is all pretty much just for me.
Pft. I barely even want to read all this.
I’m
Taking a ride
Off to one side
It is a personal thing
Where
When I can’t stand
Up in this cage I’m not regretting
I don’t need a better thing
I’d settle for less
It’s another thing for me
I just have to wander through this world
Alone
Stop
before you fall
Into the hole that I have dug here
Rest
Even as you
Are starting to feel the way I used to
I don’t need a better thing
Just to sound confused
Don’t talk about everyone
I am not amused by you
‘Cause I’m gonna lose you
Yes, I’m gonna lose you
If I’m gonna lose you
‘Cause I’m gonna lose you
Yes, I’m gonna lose you
If I’m gonna lose you
I’m gonna lose you for good
